Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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