remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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