I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
