You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
