Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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