Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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