I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
