Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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