Taylor Swift is so right about you.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Everyone says I win the strip club
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
