i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My life is pants optional.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
