so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
