I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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