i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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