Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
