sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
