We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
