Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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