This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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