why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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