Bisexual people are plain selfish.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
