shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Don't tell me you're on acid again
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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