Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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