Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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