Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
