Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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