This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
