At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
