I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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