he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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