I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
