Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
