so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
