I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
50% drunk capacity currently
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
