i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
