dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
