im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
