They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
