i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
