I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
