singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
