So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
