Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
