I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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