I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
