is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
