i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
