I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
