My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
