Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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