If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
