I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
