Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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