The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
