Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
