I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
