I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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