i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
