11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
